What you currently are experiencing is resentment and struggle. You have been unforgiving toward others, and now your unforgiveness is turned on yourself.
You have struggled with guilt, and tried to make yourself innocent. Nothing has worked, of course, so now you are resentful over that too.
The answer is to find the blessed state of mind. This blessed state of mind is where you can stand back and observe yourself objectively. Instead of being involved in the struggle with your fallen nature and errors, you need to be able to observe yourself without reacting or resenting what you see.
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People search for Nirvana, enlightenment or salvation. They search for innocence.
Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, who did not realize what a lovely life she had at home in Kansas until she had strayed far and wide, likewise the blessed carefree state of mind is hidden in plain sight. Not everyone will find it, but some will.
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I have discovered that those who find it are sometimes the most messed up. They are not self righteous or desirous of worldly approval. Instead, they are desirous of truth. The ones who are the most messed up are often those who did not want to become phony, cruel, or shallow.
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But their big mistake--their mistake of all mistakes--was to become resentful toward other people. And then they doubted the goodness and truth that they had loved in their heart of hearts.
Through doubt they drifted away from the inner home, which they had been close to when they were little children. And through resentment, they began to take in the world. And as the world seeped in, horror of horror, they found themselves becoming just like those they resented on the outside.
their next mistake, and undoubtedly yours too, was to try to save themselves by struggling with guilt and error, and trying to change themselves. It doesn't work.
If this describes you, then perhaps you are ready to return to what you once knew as a little child but have fallen away from. You want to make the return trip, but don't know how. You keep going out in the world and reacting to people and situations, and flounder.
I am extending my hand in friendship to help you. I will not begin by talking to you about religion or Christ. Such words would most likely only reinforce the "ameners" among you, as one write so aptly said, and drive the rest of you away.
Instead I will begin by giving you the key to calming down and being more dispassionate in the moment.
In your current state of mind, any religious or philosophical words, no matter how lofty, will simply get all jumbled up with with emotions, what has impressed itself on you in the past, and preconceived notions.
Were I to talk about religion, it would simply reinforce words or ideas picked up from conditioning of the past, or it would result in an aversion reaction to words or ideas that were forced on you.
But I have found that when we calm down and find the magical viewpoint of objectivity, we stop responding to external words or people, and start responding to inner intuition. less reactive, calm, and objective, we can then begin to see for ourselves what is true. Then you will be able to see for yourself and know the truth, not because someone said so, but because you see it is so.
So let's keep it simple.
I promise that for those of you who are sincere, there will be many wonderful discoveries to be made. But first, let's begin with calming down.
If you relate to what I've said, and would like to start calming down and want to start getting back in touch with your own intuition, it might be good to just go ahead and listen to the short meditation, which is free. While you are at it, you can read some of the free information there.
Right now, if you are like most people, you don't need a lot more information. What you need are simple instructions on how to sit still and relate to intuition. Once you learn how to do this simple thing, you will then be able to receive more information.
To find out about the free meditation, click here.
The following is an excerpt from one of my books.
Remain neutral to the outside charade. Be neither for nor against. Stand back and observe.
Meditate to find communion with God’s inner Light, and it will deliver you from evil. It will become a lamp unto your feet. It will restore your peace of mind and bring order into your life.
The purpose of all my writings is to tell you about this blessed state, remind you that it is there, and show you how to get back. I am speaking to you from this state and from an enlightened viewpoint. I point out the errors we make, and if you are open to what I say, then you can see the errors too in light of your own awareness. You see--by listening to me or perhaps by reading what I write, you may be able to pull back form your worries, doubts, fears and problems, and see things in light of an enlightened point of view.
Seeing in this light, you draw back from involvement in the tempting thoughts and resulting problems, and see them objectively.
The drawing power of thoughts and distractions is so subtle that we are pulled from awareness in the twinkling of an eye, and don’t even realize it. And this happens thousands or tens of thousands of times a day. Perhaps it would be helpful to call such losses of awareness, micro hypnotic events or micro post hypnotic events.
The moment something captures your attention and you drift away with it, it has power over you. And it will retain this power. Whenever this thought or memory is cued, it will have the power to put you in a trance again, even more quickly and deeply.
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It is for this reason that we get lost in a bag of potato chips and “can’t eat just one.” And it is the mechanism behind many of your compulsions and obsessions, fetishes, and self defeating behaviors.
Let me restate the point in a different way. When we think of failure: we think of failing to make the team or get the job. We think of people who are “failures” who can’t fit in, can’t make the grade, can’t succeed, or who become permanent victims. We think of people struggling with some personal issue (like weight gain, alcoholism or drugs), and generally succumbing over and over. We think of criminals who keep messing up and ending up in the system.
We think of failing to reconcile with a parent, failing to save our marriage, failing to communicate with our kids. We think of failing our loved ones in some way. We think in global terms: I’m a failure, I never get things right, I always mess up, I’m stupid or I’m clumsy.
Notice how these global condemnations sound much like what many people heard when they were kids. In some emotional moment, a parent, teacher, or other person said the ominous global negative suggestion.
So ask yourself--When you are beating yourself up over missing the putt, gaining weight, or messing something up—are you re-voicing the negative words that were suggested in some long ago moment of emotion? Was that moment fraught with upset and resentment—the moment where you were programmed by the suggestion (verbal or otherwise)?
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Now when a similar moment arises, the old programming arises in your mind, now in “your own” inner voice. Is it really your thinking, or is it the programming from the negative, emotional moment long ago when you inadvertently accepted an aberrant notion? And is your continued struggle with it only reinforcing and giving it power?
What I want you to do is see that failure begins in a moment, when we fall away from our safe neutral objective vantage point. We are destabilized by our emotional reaction to another’s words, and our soul comes down to partake of the ego building emotion. We are tempted to doubt, to resent another, and to partake of forbidden emotions. We fall, in that moment, for temptation.
Though the main focus of this chapter is on resentment, let me quickly add that a rush of pride when we react to another’s recognition of us or their flattery is also a moment of failing. We ought not to be uplifted by praise. The emotion of excitement at the opportunity or temptation to do something wrong is also a failing.
There are many such initial moments of failing and being programmed. But perhaps the most important thing for you to see is that there were just a few key ones that set you on the path to lowered consciousness and error. You did not start off life wanting to be a drunk, a drug addict, a mess up, a nagging witch or a wimp.
Your pattern of failing had to begin somewhere. In some moment. Undoubtedly a moment when you doubted what was right or when you resented another.
What you must do now is not struggle with symptoms. Instead you should spend your time and energy learning the art of sitting still and regaining a calm objective awareness.
When you get back calm neutrality, you will be closer to the Light, in which dwells the power to stand back and observe temptation for what it is and not respond to it.
The power of awareness will also permit you to be more detached as you go through life, so that you will not so easily fall into distractions. It will permit you to also stand back from thought and observe it without falling into it.
Yes, you will still fall into thought, and it will happen may times over the weeks, months and years, but now when you do, you will suddenly become aware that you have slipped away with thought, and you will have the power to pull back.
Once you fell and failed, it became easier to fall the next time. The next time an opportunity to escape into distracting activity or thoughts, it felt like a relief, because you used the distraction to escape from awareness of guilt. In other words, you escaped from conscience into the warm and comforting arms of temptation.
As people get older, you see them slipping into nostalgia. Their mind literally goes, as they fall into thought which comforts them and shields them from seeing what failures they are.
Now you know why we are failures. It is not because we did not make the team or get the job. Nor is it because we got divorced or had a falling out with a child. Our real failing occurs in the moment, where we fail to meet the moment with grace—with attentiveness to what is right and with a dispassionate forgiving attitude toward others.
Who was it who said: sow a thought, reap and action. Sow an action, reap a character. Sow a character, reap a destiny.
I say: meet the next moment properly, then the next, then the next. And each moment met properly will tighten your rapport with inner reason and love from God.
What defeats you now is: 1) becoming upset and 2) resenting yourself for failing again. 3) Struggling with the symptoms of your error 4) struggling with error and trying to make yourself right.
Meditate for calm objectivity. Don’t try to make anything happen. Don’t try to make yourself right. Don’t resent yourself for messing up. If you mess up, just see that you did.
Stand back and observe. See how even your thoughts try to tempt you. They will seek an injunction against meditation. They will torment you and try to make you doubt God and His goodness. Don’t give way. Stand back and observe.
Silently cry out to God. And He will answer. Temptation has no power over good. And it has no power over you, other than the power you give it be reacting to it. Therefore, do not struggle or resent it. And don’t resent yourself.
Meditate for objectivity. Stand back; don’t go floating downstream with negative thoughts in any way, shape or form. Be aware that nice rosy thoughts can also be another distraction. Just watch. Observe tormenting thoughts until they dissolve away.
Notice what the tormenting thoughts want from you. They want you to react. When you react, they gain increasing power over you. When you do not react, they lose power.
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